Wisdom of Healing

The statistics show a massive increase in diagnoses of the autism spectrum that are staggering. Thirty years ago, only one in 22,000 children was diagnosed with autism. Today, it is shocking to learn that one child in every 160 is considered autistic! Why has this condition become so prevalent? There are theories as to why autism is on the rise, but that’s an exploration for a future post. Today, we’ll look at a possible solution to the problem when it has already arisen.

Almost twenty years ago, I had a friend named Betsy, who was the mom of two young daughters. She resisted getting them immunized, fearing that immunizations may be more harmful than taking the chance with the diseases they were developed to prevent. When Sierra, the younger child, was almost a year and a half old, her Dad was unrelenting and the girls were finally immunized. Almost immediately, Sierra stopped speaking. She became withdrawn and easily irritable. She had outbursts; screaming, stomping, pounding her fists and holding her breath. For nearly fourteen months, she didn’t utter a word; not at home, not at daycare; nothing but monotone sound, angry noises and long tones.

Sierra didn’t made eye contact anymore; and squirmed, trying to escape, whenever she was lifted or held. She began to organize everything in sight. She rocked back and forth and liked to hide in small spaces for fairly long periods of time.

She gathered and organized her older sister’s games and toys, and placed her books perfectly positioned onto the shelf. She rearranged the kitchen cupboards, the junk drawer, toy box and her Dad’s tools; everything she could. Sierra could build a block tower as high as she could reach.

This new, more dramatic and often angry behavior wasn’t like Sierra at all. As a younger baby, she had begun to speak very early, and had quite a vocabulary by the time she stopped talking. Her parents took her to their pediatrician where she was tested during the next couple of months for hearing loss; mercury, lead and cadmium poisoning; everything that her doctor could think of. Finally, the doctor broke the news to Sierra’s parents; she believed that Sierra may be autistic. They felt shocked. Was this possible?

Betsy researched autism. She could see how the diagnosis made sense, but we had all seen such brilliance in Sierra earlier, and even recently during those somewhat rare moments when she wasn’t acting out. Betsy didn’t believe that this condition was the end of the magic and wonder that Sierra had demonstrated.

Children with autism were considered nearly ineducable. Many were believed to have such low I.Q.’s that the only solution was to institutionalize them. Sierra’s doctor was not of that camp, however. She was a classically trained homeopath and M.D. from Europe, and had a very open mind with alternatives to the ‘normal’ medical beliefs and procedures. They talked about nutrition and homeopathic remedies. Betsy’s family already ate a very clean diet of organic foods, no sugar or chemical additives, with lots of vegetables and whole grains. Sierra’s doctor also suggested that there may even be some new programs showing success with teaching families to help reverse this dreaded condition in children. Yes, there was hope!

Over the next eight months, the stormy behavior continued. Sierra showed moments of that intelligence that her parents had witnessed before the changes had occurred. One afternoon, as she watched Sierra put a puzzle together, Betsy sensed that the outbursts in the daughter were a result of a deep need to be held very close to her mother and dad. She felt that a children’s meditation, yoga or karate class might help. Sierra was young for this sort of thing, but she would look into it. She felt a sense of relief for a fleeting moment.

A few minutes later, there came a blood curdling scream from the other room. Betsy ran in to find that Sierra had climbed the bookshelf mounted to the wall. It had slipped from the mount, and Sierra was teetering on the edge. Any further and she would be on the floor with an oak shelf and at least fifty books on top of her.

Betsy rushed to lift her away as she pushed the shelf back onto its bracket. Sierra held tightly to the shelf and continued to scream. Betsy held her tightly to her chest and whispered reassuring words to her child. Eventually Betsy felt a shift inside her young daughter. Moments later, Sierra’s fingers slipped from the shelf and she became limp. Betsy turned her daughter toward her and held her tight.

Betsy slowly moved about the room for twenty minutes or more, holding her daughter tightly to her and gently stroking her back. She felt Sierra’s neck and shoulder muscles relax as she finally laid her head onto Betsy’s shoulder. Tears welled up in Betsy’s eyes. It had been months since she had felt Sierra completely relax against her this way. She felt more encouraged than she had for a long time.

For the next few days, Sierra seemed more mellow. She found the missing piece to the Monopoly game and she played quietly for hours with Chinese checkers and her toy horses. One Wednesday afternoon, just minutes after her older sister came in the door from the school bus, Betsy heard her shriek, “Mom, get her OFF me!”

Betsy ran into the living room to find Sierra, rage in her eyes, on top of her sister pounding her with both hands and pulling her hair. Betsy tried to extract Sierra from the situation. Sierra fought on, shrieking and making guttural noises. Betsy wondered what shifted; why she had been so sweet the past few days; and now this! She untwisted her older daughter’s hair from Sierra’s fingers and lifted her high into her arms, carrying her into the office where it was quiet.

Betsy told Sierra that she was going to have a ‘holding time out’. Betsy explained to her young child in the calmest voice she could muster that she would need to breathe calmly for three minutes in a row and then she could get down. As she spoke, Betsy attempted to sit her onto her lap. Sierra’s back was pressed against her Mom’s chest. She crossed her arms loosely around her daughter’s upper body, and folded her legs gently around the child’s squirming lower body.

Betsy breathed long, deep, exaggerated breaths against her daughter’s back to help her catch her breath and calm down. Betsy gently rocked her and continued to speak in a soothing tone, reassuring Sierra that everything would be ok and that she was alright. Sierra fought and hollered and tried to free herself. Betsy began to quietly sing her desires. “It’s ok; everything’s ok. Calm your body; calm your mind. It’s all alright; relax sweet girl.” Eventually Sierra stopped yelling. Betsy felt Sierra’s body relax in her arms. “That’s it; that’s it. Calm, deep breaths. You’re doing great,” she sang quietly.

But the quiet, relaxed state was short lived; less than a minute of quiet and Sierra was screeching again. They had been sitting there for a total of 45 or 50 minutes by that time. Betsy felt overwhelmed, but she persevered. She continued the long exaggerated breaths and the reassuring tones as she gently contained Sierra’s little body.

Sierra cycled through moments of quiet and calm, and then another 30 or 45 minutes of squirming, screaming, pounding and yelling. Her moments of calm seemed to be getting longer, so Betsy stuck with it. After a total of three hours and forty-five minutes, Sierra stayed calm for a full three minutes. As this calm cycle began, Sierra’s body relaxed completely and she turned around, looked directly into her Mom’s eyes for a long moment and hugged her tightly. She breathed right along with her Mom’s breathing. It felt like a miracle for Betsy.

About a week and a half went by and Sierra was peaceful, gentle and kept herself well composed. She seemed to me to be doing remarkably well and her mom said she appeared to be happier. She made eye contact a few times and she began to speak again; lots! One day, as their cat was birthing kittens, Sierra exclaimed, “Look, Mom, Puffy has two kittens that look just like her and two kittens that look different. That’s four kittens, right, Mom?”

Betsy’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes; yes, that’s right!”

Sierra continued, “Mom, you remember when Dad asked you about…” on and on she went, asking about situations and details that happened throughout the previous seven or eight months! She asked questions for days. What a memory that girl had!

Sierra had another major meltdown a few days later. Betsy gently scooped her up and they went to the office chair for another ‘holding time out’. This time, Sierra squirmed less, yelled lots, and after an hour and a half or so, she calmed down. She took Betsy’s hand into hers and put it across her own heart and breathed deeply for three minutes.

Two or three more weeks passed peacefully. Then one day Sierra had an angry, out-of-control episode. To the ‘holding time out’ chair they went. Sierra screamed loud and hard. They rocked as Betsy gently rubbed her back. Within a half hour, Sierra took a very long, deep breath, laid her face against Betsy’s upper chest and continued to breathe. Three minutes passed and Betsy thanked her and let her know that time was up. “Just a little bit longer, please, Mom?” Sierra requested. “Of course” Betsy whispered as they rocked gently together.

Just a few days later, Sierra began to become angry with her sister about a card game, pounding her fists and releasing loud gurgling sounds. As Betsy approached, she asked, “Are you needing a holding time out?”

Sierra looked up, directly into her Mom’s eyes. “No, no, I’m ok, Mom. Really…” She took a long deep breath and let it out. “I can do it by myself, Mom, really. Time me,” she exclaimed. Betsy reached down and touched her daughter’s back, rubbing in a slight circular motion. Sierra composed herself, breathing deeply and then she apologized for being mean.

This was the last major outburst that Sierra experienced. When she found herself beginning to feel upset and overwhelmed, she would take some exaggerated deep breaths, sometimes asking Betsy or her older sister to rub her back or to place a hand directly on Sierra’s heart area. She would very quickly get herself into a calmer state. Sierra would occasionally thank Betsy for helping her learn these breathing exercises and other tools to handle her anger or frustration.

Sierra was beginning to read simple books. At nearly four years old, this seemed like another miracle in their lives. The entire family often expressed how blessed they felt. Harmony prevailed.

Today, Sierra is in her teens, and excelling in school, sports and a very promising future.

Although Betsy developed this strategy from her heart and through her intuition, there is an amazing, world renowned program in western Massachusetts, US, that’s been helping children and adults for more than 20 years who have any of the autism spectrum or other developmental difficulties. Called the Son-Rise Program, it has made a profound impact in the lives of several children that I have known or met over the years. If you’re the parent or educator of a special child(ren), I urge you to check this program out or read any of the “Son-Rise” books by Barry Neil Kaufman.

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